In an online forum, someone asked, “What is badly named, and what’s a better name for it?” And people had a LOT of fun with that. Here are our favorites:
1. Dentures . . . should be “substitooths.”
2. Contractions . . . should be “birthquakes.” (That’s LABOR contractions . . . not like WON’T and CAN’T.)
3. Any bacon alternative . . . should be “fācon.”
4. Iceland should be Greenland . . . and Greenland should be Iceland. (But in that case, Greenland may need to be re-named AGAIN in a few years.)
5. Similarly, a driveway should be a parkway . . . and a parkway should be a driveway.
6. And someone suggested that garbage men should be re-named “pick-up artists” . . . and pick-up artists should be called “garbage men.” Get it?
7. Jet skis . . . should be “boatercycles.”
8. Astronomers . . . should be called “skyintists.”
9. Donuts . . . should be “sugar bagels.”
10. Milk . . . should be “cereal sauce.”
11. Couch . . . should be “human shelf.”
12. A “randomized double blind trial” . . . should be a “trick or treatment.”
13. Head and Shoulders . . . should have a body soap called Knees and Toes.
14. And olives should be “Greece’s Pieces.” (???)
